its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
