Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
