Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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