The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
