You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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