3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
