dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
