i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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