i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
