I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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