I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
