So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
