i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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