So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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