Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just gargled with NyQuil
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
