the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
