Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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