It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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