Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
