i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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