Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
