its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Is Oprah even human
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
