Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Randomize
