get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
