WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you traded sex for a burrito?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
