oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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