dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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