you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
She's like a pop up book from hell.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
