She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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