i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
