my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
