she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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