sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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