he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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