When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
