im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
