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• (319): View more from Iowa

  True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes

  (847): View more from Illinois

  And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.

  (319): View more from Iowa

  At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings

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• (740): View more from Ohio

  she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse

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• (606): View more from Kentucky

  can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?

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• (416): View more from Toronto

  You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...

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• (719): View more from Colorado

  Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer

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• (310): View more from California

  That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch

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• (940): View more from Texas

  Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.

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• (435): View more from Utah

  Sex in the moonbounce later?

  (801): View more from Utah

  This is why I love you.

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.

  (1-307): View more from Wyoming

  no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  That ass isn’t going to eat itself.

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