Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Be still, my beating vagina.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
