So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
