Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
