He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
