When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
He kissed a someone with a penis
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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