just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
