Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
