Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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