THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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