Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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