The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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