of course. lets lasso hookers.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
