why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
