dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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